Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
