Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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