I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
