i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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