I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
