Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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