Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
