Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
