I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
