come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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