6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
