i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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