Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
