At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
