Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you traded sex for a burrito?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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