I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
