Sry I called you an 8
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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