I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
