By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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