No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
