it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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