IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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