Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
