I want to make a zoo with you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
