I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
