You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
