I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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