remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
