i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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