He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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