its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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