The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I gave a random lady a dildo