Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
