I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
