Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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