yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
