So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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