Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
not ubering you a puppy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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