I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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