Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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