I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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