Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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