i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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