You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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