yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
false alarm. still invincible.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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