"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
