maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
