Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
