I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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