Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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