That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize