just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
