Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm passing your future prison.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
