I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
