Plan B is the new Plan A
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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