oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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