She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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