Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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