I just cut my nipple shaving
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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