Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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