i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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