i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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