I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He passed out mid-signature
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
