Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
