Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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