I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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