A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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