i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
