My friends, they love my intelligence
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
