I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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