you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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