i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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