my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
