coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
