I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
