Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Still dying that you shit outside
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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