nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
