I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
