wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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