Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
