you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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