I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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